Where'd You Go, Motivation?

I listened to the audiobook of 'Where'd you go, Bernadette?' on Audible a few months ago and it was one of those ones that keeps popping up out of my subconscious every few days.  I liked it a lot, even though while I was listening to it I had mixed feelings.  I attribute that now to the fact that I was in the worst stage of my First Trimester then.  I was exhausted and nauseous most of the time and I suspect I took it out on my opinion of the book.  A friend of mine is listening to it now and I'm just happy I got someone to listen to an audiobook.  I don't want to be the only one in the world to think audiobooks (especially when paired with a smart phone) are freakin awesome.  More on that some other time....

So my motivation for editing has started to trickle to a slow stream.  And not the steady calm after a fast area of rapids on a river (like it was a week or two ago) but more like the drying up part of a stream that happens during a drought.  I'm trying to think of ways to increase precipitation, but I'm worried all it'll take is another rejection to dry up completely.  Hm...no more water metaphors...I think I might start needing to make myself accountable again on my progress.  Maybe track it in the app I used to track my writing with on my phone.  Then also keep daily updates on my progress here on this blog?  Like I had intended to do back when I started this blog and was writing an older version of this same manuscript?  Obviously, that didn't go so well....I kept track here for about 2 weeks (if that), then avoided the blog like I avoided the plague and my writing. 

But as long as I can keep doing a page or two of editing a day, I can expect to actually finish the damn thing...it's not even that daunting, just time consuming.  And I've worked this hard...gotten this far with it...why would I let it fall by the wayside now?  I'll tell you what a little voice inside my head is saying in response to that though...it's saying "because your manuscript is crap"..."because you can never hope to get published"..."because look at all the thousands upon thousands of people in this country trying to do exactly what you're doing...what makes you think you'll be successful??".

Guess I also need to work on ways to shut that voice up...

Weekend and Journal Entry (8/5/96)

This past weekend was pretty great.  Not for any particular reason but because I got everything I wanted to do accomplished and still had enough time for fun and relaxation.  I made jewelry, listened to an entire audiobook (it was only a little over 4 hours long, The Giver, but it was still impressive in my opinion), finished The Storyteller audiobook (one of my favorite books now), did laundry, hung out with the kiddo, took the dog for a walk both Saturday and Sunday, visited a great friend I haven't seen in too long, worked out on Saturday, cleaned my car inside and out, and other little things (like dishes).  Though I was exhausted, I felt really content last night.  There are so many times that I feel like I've wasted days away, and this was not one of those times. 

There was something specific I wanted to write a blog about but I currently have no recollection of what that was.  I just remember thinking "I should write a post about that".  I'm sure it'll come to me eventually.

So on to the journal entry...

8/5/96
Diary, I was pretty mad last night ********(more info about that crush I wrote about in the last entry)

I chickened out yesterday night and just fell asleep!  I guess it's just easier said than done!

I wrote a letter to Mad About You last night, to keep me busy.  I sure hope they write back.  I collect autographs.  So far I have Tim Allen (Best), Jim Carrey, Cathy Ireland & The Cast of Home Improvement (other best).

I have my door open right now, because my brother isn't home, neither are my parents.

I'm supposed to do something with Rose today but shes not home!

Lately I've been thinking of ideas for inventions: A calculator, time, atlas, TV watch!  I wish it was already invented, I would have one!!!

I left a message on Rose's machine so she should (hopefully) call back.

I actually enjoy painting my nails, so I'm going to go and do them now!

                                                   Millie :D

I guess my iPhone would have made my 1996 self pretty darn happy.  I've always loved technology....but I'm glad I wrote about the tree house in this journal because I've also always loved nature and being outdoors. 

I did end up getting that Mad About You cast of autographs.  I think all of them are still in a folder somewhere in my current house (my husband being in the Air Force, I've moved quite a few times since then, so it's saying something that I still have that random childhood collection).

Obviously, I had an issue with being honest to myself about things like wanted to paint my nails.  I didn't want random future people (all of you who might be reading this today, I guess), thinking that my 13-year-old self was so girly and vain. 

My last thought on this one...what I wouldn't give to have time to write a letter to a TV Show requesting an autograph just to pass my time.....jeesh....I was telling my husband earlier that I wish someone would invent a way for human adults to live (with no health side effects) with only about 4 hours of sleep a day.  I'd LOVE to have a few extra hours of awake and alert time a day (and not have to take caffeine pills to accomplish this, or feel like death the next day).

To Kill a Mockingbird

I started reading this book yesterday for the first time in my life and I'm absolutely loving it. Ughh...I actually started it two days ago and started this post yesterday, but as you can see, I have neglected finishing it until now.

I've lived my entire adult life only reading (or listening to the audiobook versions) about one classic piece of literature per year.  Usually they're Jane Austen books...and I often don't get through an entire one.  I've read Dracula, Wuthering Heights (definitely not what I expected), A Christmas Carol, Persuasion (didn't finish this one yet), Sherlock Holmes (also haven't finished, but got through a whole lot of it), Tale of Two Cities (listened to the audio version and got through so little of it, I'm embarrassed to even list it here).  Hm...I really need to get on GoodReads so I can keep better track of this.  

I love listening to audiobooks.  I can't remember how much I've written about them in previous posts but it's really one of my favorite things to do.  The obsession started while I was moving from Louisiana to Pennsylvania in 2009.  I think my sister suggested I try listening to audiobooks for the 20+ hour drive (spread over two days).  The first one I listened to was Bel Canto by Ann Patchett.  I finished it on that trip, while intermittently listening to music and talking on the phone to my husband.  I'll always be thankful for that drive...who knows how long it might have taken me to realize my love for audiobooks otherwise?  I'm even a subscriber to Audible now, have been for over a year, and there hasn't been one month that I've regretted the cost of the membership.  

So I'm currently reading three books.  To Kill a Mockingbird (strictly the paper version), Reached by Ally Condie (doing the whispersync for voice where I can read it on my Kindle and it picks up where I left off in the audiobook I also have through Audible...technology is nuts), and I just started listening to Life of Pi (just the audiobook version of this one).  

The editing is still going well.  I flew through a chapter today and I'm getting more and more excited about the story and the way it all fits together.  I'm starting the edits on Chapter 17 tomorrow and there are 33 total.  Since I realized it'd go slower, my ultimate goal has been to have it done before the end of the month, and I'm well on my way to achieving that.  

Even the jewelry shop has picked up (today I had the first sales I've had in weeks...and I've had a bunch of custom requests lately).

But still no job.  And still no interview.  Booooo to that. 

Weight loss challenge with the husband started again officially (we took a hiatus over the holidays...I'm still struggling to get back to where I was before the hiatus).  Weigh in is tomorrow morning and he made us a disgustingly fatty taco lasagna type thing tonight.  Which I ate a serving and a half of and enjoyed every filling bite.  

Well played husband, well played.  I can already feel my rings uncomfortably pressing into my bloated sodium filled fingers.  

There's something wrong with me...

Yesterday, my husband (the sweetheart that he is) let me use the last of his bestbuy giftcard so I could get a bluetooth headset.  The reason I wanted the bluetooth was because I discovered a few days ago that I could listen to all my podcasts and audiobooks with a bluetooth that had A2DP (not sure what that means but it has something to do with the audio).  So since then, I've wanted one SO bad.  WHy?  I could seriously wear the thing all day and stream podcasts I've wanted to catch up on, then audiobooks I've been meaning to listen to, all while I was still functioning as a regular human being and keeping up with things like potty training, reading to Jane, doing the dishes, etc.  Hence the title of this blog post.

So for a couple of days, I'd be sitting around thinking "I'd totally have that bluetooth in right now" during all of these moments that my mind was idly drifting around in my poisonous thoughts (thoughts like 'I still don't have a job and no one will ever hire me' and 'my book is going to be awful' or 'I'm a failure of a parent because I can't potty train my child').  Yesterday while Jane was napping, I yet again said something along the lines of "I wish I had a bluetooth' to Steve, who (out of the blue) said 'just use my giftcard'.  So I did.  Thank you honey!!

I haven't taken the thing out, other than to sleep, since.  There's definitely something wrong with me.  I turned it off while we ate dinner, but I have had it on through things like conversations with steve, photographing and listing a pair of sneakers he never used to ebay, getting jane ready for bed, doing a load of laundry, taking Ike and Jane for a walk.  I know what you're thinking...I'm a terrible person because I'm obviously not paying enough attention to my family.  But it's turning out to have the opposite effect on me.  I block out whatever I'm listening to on the bluetooth when I'm talking to Jane or Steve (or vice versa) and then I'm less edgy and temperamental when I'm doing boring jobs like picking up (so when someone drops the toy I just put away at my feet again, I smile and pick it up again while I'm listening to tips on publishing a book instead of getting angry).

So today, I'm listening to things like The New York Times free downloads from Audible, I Should Be Writing (a podcast by Mur Lafferty), Writing Excuses, and I'm searching for podcasts on potty training and subscribing to podcasts like Baby and Toddler Instructions.

This is the one I got

Time to get back to potty training. (We're trying BIG GIRL UNDIES again!! Only peed on the floor once so far this morning while mommy was distracted on the phone with daddy...so we're blaming daddy for that one!)