Agent Query Connect, and No Journal Again Today

I posted my query on Agent Query Connect hoping to get some good advice on what I need to do to sharpen it up and my goodness, it's disheartening.  I've only even had two people critique it so far but I just feel smaller and smaller after each one.  I know, I know...critiques are not to be taken personally, but that's like saying I don't take my writing personally...and why the heck would I be writing it if I didn't feel a personal connection to it?  So no, I'm not crying or shutting up shop...I'm just feeling more and more mindful of how much of an amateur I really am.  And even that is super disheartening.  I've been writing in journals since I was 13 (obviously).  I've been starting novels since I was about 18 (just not finishing them...the Earths Project that exists today is the third version...it's the only full book I've actually completed).  But until January of this year, I've never let anyone read my writing.  I guess that isn't true, I blog...I've let people read parts of my journals...I've written papers in college, etc.  But January was the first time I've ever seriously urged people to critique my fiction.  Jesus, it's rough.  I imagine the three that read this book having conversations with their spouses or friends where they laugh at me behind my back and compare me to those terrible singers on American Idol who don't have a clue how horrible they are.

Oh please....don't let me be that awful.

Eh....I guess if I am, I still have a chance.  Like I've said before, there are really awful books out there making tons of money and gaining tons of fans.  But when I reread chapters I've edited and polished until they shine in my eyes, I don't feel awful.  I feel hopeful.  I guess that's what's still driving me to do this.

Here's the latest revision of my query...go critique it if you're a member of AgentQuery...

Melanie Foster is a 17-year-old with few friends, a crush on the new boy in school, and trouble deciding what she should do with her life after high school.  For Melanie, life is as ordinary as the next person's, until her parents are kidnapped and she finds out she’s from another planet. Always expecting little green men, Melanie is surprised to discover that extraterrestrials are actually just more humans and that the planet she grew up on is the Third Earth discovered and populated by the human race in a process known as the Earths Project.

Trying desperately to find and save her parents, Melanie is sent on a mission to the dangerous and unstable Second Earth. After its violent secession from the Earths Project, the Second Earth wasted their remaining resources, bred a population of deceitful liars, and is now plotting to steal a newly-discovered Seventh Earth by kidnapping the scientists who discovered it, Melanie’s parents. Posing an even bigger problem, Melanie discovers that her Third Earth is out of their own natural resources and will need the new Earth in order to survive.

If she can successfully complete her mission and help a group of allies known as the Visionists start a revolution on the Second Earth, Melanie will not only save her parents, but also the only world she has ever known.

Earths Project: Book One, First Earth is a YA Adventure/Sci-Fi complete at 82,000 words. Thank you very much for your consideration.

I am in a terrible mood, the word literally, and some curse words

This is one of those days where I'm angry about everything.  A series of events out of my control have made me go from lighthearted and optimistic to moody and depressed.  It's trickling into everything.  I have lost all confidence in my writing.  I have lost all motivation to get anything accomplished.  And I'm only writing a tiny bit in this blog post because it has become habit.

My poor dog is sick and had an enormous and disgusting accident in our office...which is carpeted...so while I was cleaning up his shit, I was thinking "the term 'what a shitty day' must have originated from somebody who was literally cleaning shit all day'.

And I hate the word 'literally' because I'm a serial user of this word and I know that 99% of the time, I'm using it wrong.  And it's becoming one of those words that people are targeting as being commonly misused.  It's only a matter of time before someone calls me out on it.  I don't care though, because that's the kind of mood I'm in.  Guess what people...I'm using it sarcastically.  Even if I'm not technically allowed to, so what.  Deal with it.  I LITERALLY use the word all the time.  And I literally can't stop.  And knowing I'm using it wrong makes me literally use it more.

So go F yourself world.  For judging my use of the word literally and for making my dog shit all over the carpet.  I'm vowing to be unproductive for the rest of the evening.  Good night.

8/9/96 and Jewelry



8/9/96

Diary, This is what happened today.  I didn't get to run cause it rained!  I still haven't gotten a letter from Kathy!!!  **************  I learned a new card trick, but it screwed up until I did it my way.  And I got all this feelings that my family loves my sister more than me!  I still think its true.

 

Diary do you think I'm dumb to have those feelings?

 

       Gotta go, sorry I didn't write a lot.

 

                                      Millie

 

I'm pretty surprised at how censored I made myself back then when I was feeling emotional.  I had absolutely no problem writing about my ridiculous fantasized crushes, but when it came to being upset that my friends were making fun of me or my family made me feel sad, I just glossed over the info.  And I don't remember being the type to bottle up my feelings like that as a kid.  I'm certainly not that type today...if I'm upset about something, I cry.  I cry a lot.  I'm surprised I was so interested in sounding like someone I wasn't.  What a weird form of therapy this is becoming for me.  It's really making me reevaluate why I am who I am today.


As far as jewelry goes, I listed a new item last week that I was really excited about.  I was excited because it was a mostly original idea (I'll explain more later) and the 'sample' one I made was a gift for a friend who recently got married.  It was sent the Monday before her wedding but unfortunately, it didn't make it to her in time for the ceremony.  I was so sad my gift turned out to be so useless...

The reason I say it was mostly original was because I wanted to make the charm itself...had the design already ready with the date and the Swarovski crystal all added in my mind's eye...but I didn't know what to do with the charm.  So I looked around online and saw suggestions of adding it with a bow to the bouquet for the wedding day, so it's not flashy or obvious, but it's still 'with' the bride.  Then, when she transfers it to a chain after the wedding day, she can always have a reminder of such a great moment in her life.

So, I'm sorry, good friend of mine in PA...I should have used a faster shipping method. 
:'(

She has it now, and says she loves it.  She's one of the people who helped inspire a few different popular items I sell in my shop...like the fingerprint heart charm...the one photographed was the one I made from the prints of her and her boyfriend (now husband :)

I'm glad it did end up getting to her.  And she saw a photo of this charm on her wedding day (through a text I sent), so in her mind, she can remember it from that day, I guess?

Editing a Manuscript-Using Scrivener and Goodreader

I know I've written about this before, but I have to reiterate.  Saving my manuscript from Scrivener into a PDF, opening it on Goodreader on my mini iPad, using a stylus and the freehand writing tool and making edits directly onto the page, then flattening the file and sending it back to Scrivener is the easiest and most efficient way I've found to edit my manuscript thus far.  I then can open the edited version in Scrivener (having saved it in the "Research" section), split the screen, and type out the edits right in the actual manuscript like so:

So today, for my 'work on Earths Project' task, I finished editing and polishing up to chapter five, made sure I was happy with the synopsis, and sent a query to another agent.  The agent requires the first 50 pages, synopsis, and query.  I like the idea of sending more in the query, even though I was grumpy about it when I first realized it was a requirement for so many agents.  The reason I've warmed up to the idea is because if the query itself catches an agent's eye, they can easily read more and decide what they think.  And since I've obviously got confidence in my work (or else, why would I be working so hard on its behalf), I feel like my chances can only get better the more they read.

That's all for today...I'll continue with my 1996 journal tomorrow.

Editing a Manuscript, Saturday, and Journal from 8/7/96 and 8/8/96

I'm having a great day.  This morning I got semi-caught up on my jewelry making tasks for the weekend and afterward I folded 3 loads of laundry and started a new one. I even went for a run with the dog right after I woke up...the run was more of a walk because I feel like I've got lead legs lately when I try to jog, but it was still worth the effort.  After the laundry and jewelry, I still had some time while the hubby was out with our daughter running errands, so I used 15 minutes to voice record another chapter of my book.  Doing the voice recording has really made me think about how well or poorly the story I've tried to create flows.  And when I have a bad chapter, I get red in the face while I'm reading out loud...but when I have a good chapter, I get a surge of confidence that lingers for hours.  It's still lingering now and I feel really confident that my writing (up until chapter 4 at least) is sounding the way I want it to sound.  It is getting me more excited to do the second round of editing.

I can't wait until Scrivener releases their iPad app.  I know I still have a while to wait, but it's nice to know it's coming.  Hm...maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to say that it's good to know I have it to look forward to...because I've lately been using that as a crutch and excusing myself from editing because I know it'll be easier when that app exists (my whole book is written in Scrivener, so to be able to read chapters and edit right on the page with my iPad sounds so convenient).  But getting this resurgence of desire to see this thing through and get an agent and (oh god, it's like my go-to fantasy daydream) sign a book deal needs to start somewhere.  And polishing this book to the point where I feel confident on every chapter instead of just every other one is what I need to focus on now.

So the editing must continue.  I'm still following through with my daily writing regimen, but I haven't actually gotten back into editing the manuscript.  I've decided though, that I'm going to pick up where I left off...the edits I've made so far are still marked in red all over the pdf of the whole book I've been reading through Goodreader on my iPad and, for the most part, they're legible, so I just need to continue making those edits.  Typing them out on the actual computer is the scary part.

Back to the journal...

Diary, I don't think David likes me anymore.  I went ******** and he only talked to me once!  Than he asked my ************** to watch a movie!  Didn't even ask me to go to so I had to sit ****************** :'(
                                         Millie

PS The worst part is, I think ************(someone I didn't like had a crush on me)**************

8/7/96
Diary, last night I was watching "Little Rascles" and the one kid said all these names of people that make a team. ***************** I know it was just a coinsodence, but it could come true!

Also, yesterday night I was helping my sister clean her room and she gave me something called a "monkey's fist" and a pez dispencer, a lot of clothes, and a really neat pen! llllllllll <--it ran out!
Oh well!

                                          Millie

PS This morning me and my brother and sister went for a run.  My brother beet me and I beet my sister.

8/8/96
Diary, I think he likes me again!  Yesterday when **************************** but he asked me instead (which he never does)

I ran again today!  and I kind of ran with my sister so no one really won.

***************
                                         Millie

Diary, I haven't been hearing the footsteps outside anymore.  Maybe the ghost decided to go haunt someone else for a change.  I really wish I could tell you something more exciting But there's nothing else to write about but boys!  I know that's the most boring thing I could write about but oh well!  I guess I just have as normal of a life as it can get!

I wish I can write to Kathy but its her turn to write to me!  I guess she just got bored writing to me!  Diary, should I write to her and remind her to write to me?  I'll give her 2 more weeks then I'll write to her!

      I have to go feed my chameleon
                  Millie

Sorry about all the blued out words.  I really censored these ones a lot.  They're just as embarrassing as before.  I am getting numb to it.  I just don't want any identifying information showing up...you know, in case I become a famous author some day and people actually read this blog.  I guess by then an editor or agent will probably force me to take this blog down.  Ahhh, there I go, daydreaming again.

Anyways...we're all just trying to avoid the crazy heat here in Arizona.  It's expected, but this is my first summer in the desert, so I feel like I'm allowed to complain for a while.  Plus, I'm pregnant, so that gives me double reason to complain.

Off to writing the paragraphs for my Synopsis in Six Sentences :)

Writing a Synopsis and the Next Journal Entry (date unknown)

I've been thinking about re-querying agents (well, not exactly 're-querying' so much as sending out my query to a few new batches of agents).  Unfortunately, one thing I hadn't anticipated after writing my original query back in March was writing a synopsis.  I just didn't see that as part of what I would need to do in order to try and persuade an agent to represent me.  I was wrong, so I tried writing up a quick synopsis and found out...yea, not so easy.  Today, for my 'do something on Earths Project' part of my To-Do list, I decided to research again how to best write a synopsis.  I easily found this blog post:

http://writerswrite1.wordpress.com/2013/05/22/how-to-write-a-synopsis

There's also a cool image attached to the blog (and I think this blog post is reposted from the original blog, so I apologize that I was too lazy to track down the original poster).

Immediately, I started applying this tactic to my book.  I am up to the third sentence and I'm finding it to be a much more helpful way of turning this arduous task into a much more manageable one.  Hopefully I'll be able to come up with the last few sentences for this and turn them into paragraphs without much trouble.  That'll be the goal for my weekend? 

On to the next journal entry...I block out a lot from the second page because I'm pretty sure it's for the next day, but for some reason, I stopped writing dates for a few pages.

Diary,  My mom just went for an interview.  Wish her luck!  She has a lot of experience so unless they pick family, she's in the bag!

I might bring you with me when we go to hershey on the 22nd.  If I don't bring you, I'll fill you in on the details when I get back.

I never had a diary that I enjoy to write in and kept this long.  I hope no on ever finds you and reads you!  Unless I'm dead!  Then it won't really matter!  I wish I could write about more exciting stuff but it would be more dumb if I lied!

I hope when I grow up ***************************************
I want an interesting job like being an archeiologist!  Now that would be fun!  I'm not sure if I want kids?  Maybe when I get older I'll change my mind!

                               Millie

Diary, It's so HOT!  I wish my neighbors would invite me down to swim!

I can't wait until my dad and I finish the tree house!  Then I can hide you out there!

                               Millie

I definitely remember wanting to be an archaeologist.  I think it was because of the movie 'Jurrasic Park'.  In fact, I'm sure of it.  I think my mother got that job she had interviewed for...not positive though.  I also think my neighbors invited me down that day.  The only reason I kept that part for this entry is because it's supposed to be 119 degrees in Phoenix today...the hottest day of the year so far.  It's about 2pm, so I'm assuming it's pretty bad out already.  I'm staying inside as much as I can today.

I remember not wanting kids through most of my childhood.  I didn't really decided I wanted a baby until I lived in Louisiana...about 4 or 5 years ago.  When that baby fever came on, I couldn't look at a baby without wanting one of my own with an intensity I've never before experienced.  So I guess there was no way of knowing at 13 that I'd get that innate urge.   

Guess that one wasn't so bad as far as embarrassment goes. Also, it's funny that I am totally screwing over the younger version of myself who wrote this and was so adamant about no one ever reading it (because, as you can see, I'm not dead).

No Journal Today

I have to take a break because the next couple of entries are almost as embarrassing as the previous one, and I need a breath between them.  Sadly, today, I saw all over Facebook that the town I just moved from (DuBois, PA) is flooding right now.  I truly hope everyone who I know, and everyone who lives there, is remaining safe.  For a minute there today, I was extremely thankful for the fact that I'm no longer there so I didn't have to deal with the fear of how to get to the daycare to get my daughter.  My heart goes out to any parents who are there having that type of scary situation as a reality right now. 

I hope our former home is staying dry...especially because my husband spent many thousands of dollars and hours finishing the basement. 


I feel like there's no good way to transition to another subject, so I'm just going to bluntly do so.  This afternoon, I spent a few minutes deciding on a few things I want to do EVERY day for my writing.  The writing, in the long run, is what I want to do...with a passion...so I need to realize that I can't just expect this to happen without any hard work on my part.  So I made a list of three things that will pop up as reminders on my phone every day at 8:30pm, partly just as a constant daily reminder, but also because if it does slip my mind, the best time of day for me to force myself to make time is after my kiddo goes to bed.  The three things are:

 

Write at least 15 minutes

(I wish I could find it realistic to make that a longer amount of time, but I know I can't...and I don't want to shoot myself in the foot right off the bat)

Blog

(that's you!  so I'll either be adding a journal entry or writing about writing or jewelry or life)

Edit or do something with Earths Project

(lately...well, yesterday and the day before...I started reading the book out loud to my iPhone memo thing...I actually downloaded an app called DropVox, which puts my recording directly into a folder in Dropbox...which is helpful because if I save them with the Voice Memos app, I have to connect them directly to my computer to get them off my phone when they're past a certain length)

 



 

So we'll see how this new process goes, but it's a way to remind myself daily that this is what I want, and I can't just expect it to happen for me...I have to work for it.  Even if I have a full-time job, jewelry business on the side, husband, child and a baby on the way.  Ha.  But seriously....I don't function well with too much free time...so filling it is second nature to me.  And why not fill it with something like making my dreams come true?

 

Cheesy...but whatever.

:)