Journal from 8/19/96 and Thoughts

8/19/96

 

"A new morning, a good Monday,

time to start out a different way

Start the mornig out with a run

In not many ours lunch will be here

And not many more Tue will be too

 

in 9 days school will begin

 

 

The weather for today is high of 84!  That's pretty good compared to the weather so far.  All its been is rain!  I hope it doesn't rain on Thur because that's when we're going to Hershey Park.  I  hope we go even if it rains!  I'll see you tonight but for now so long!

                                    Millie

 

guess what, my chameleon died a few days ago!  And then my Uncle **** went into the hospital today and Frankie might have died on my show "Another World" (she was one of my favorite people!)

 

                                   Millie

 

Life is so precious

It's more every day

don't spend it wasting away.

 

I finished, or actually it has 2 sequals, a book called The Strange Power  I didn't get the other 2 yet but I will tomorrow.  I'm starting to get a headache.  I hope its not as bad as the one I had the other day, I could barely move it was so bad!

    My mom is in here reading write now so I can't talk out loud.

    I'm excited for school to start!

   I cleaned my room really good!  Mostly because my chameleon died, not emotionally but ever time I used to clean my room I'd have to do something for my chameleon.

   I'm in my sisters room right now and she's writing to Joseph (her boyfriend!)  I would be happy for her if they got married but my sister says she will never be married.  I doubt that!

   My father still hasn't finished the tree house with me!  My schedule for the week is filling pretty fast too!

                                  Millie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days.  I have no good excuse. 

 

As far as this entry goes...I love the part about my sister saying she'll never get married...she's been married to the person she was writing to while I was in her room that night for almost 12 years and they have two children.  I hope she doesn't make me take these out of here :/  but I'd definitely obey her wishes (so just let me know, sis).

 

I love finding parts of my old journals that either contradict something that is true today or had some big impact on it (like the fact that I kept trying to write those awful quotes...at least I was trying...I was only 13 for crying out loud).  Also...what does it say about me that I knew how to spell 'Chameleon' but not the word HOURS?  Or was it just a typo?  It was early in the morning after some exercise...although that should have given me better reason to spell more accurately (according to the book Spark, anyway).

Just a journal entry (Oh, and Happy 4th of July!)

8/10/96
Diary, I vow never to talk again about boys unless there my boyfriends!

I hope I have time to write in you again today but now I gotta go.

                Millie

8/18/86
Diary,  I'm sorry I haven't been writing for a while, I have a very inteligent sister, she just told me one of her quotes!  It was very profesional.  Today she gave me a very great compliment!  She told me that when one of her friends asked her who she would take on a trip across country, her answer was me!  I went to see "Emma" today and it was great!  It was just like Clueless. 

Let me try to make some quotes. 
            I can't think of any!

I would rather be an author!  So far I wrote a story called "The Story Writer,"  would you read it?  It's only 11 pgs.

I really look up to my sister!  She writes quots into her journal so since I don't like them I'll write poems:

"Every day the world matures
And everyday it stops growing
The killing, the agony will go
away and the world will mature"
                  Millie Komski

Do you like it?  Every time I think of one! OR here of one.  When I get to be 18 or 17 I'll try to be 1st in my class.  And now I'll start reading more.  I think our world should grow up!

"If we should be called 
the United States of 
America, then why can't we
be the United Countries of 
the Earth."
                 Millie Komski

Yah no what I'm glad I have a sister!  When I was 12 I would read about girls always wanting a sister to talk to and I never thought of it being important till now!

I feel ashamed of writing about David before.

I wonder what I'm talented at?  My mom says I should be a fashion designer but I'm having my douts.  What do you think I should be?  I would like to be something unusual like an archiolegist or an author but if I have the talent of being a fashion designer I guess I'll do that.  This is what I do:

(UGLY DRESS HERE)                   or                         (UGLIER OUTFIT HERE)

What do you think?  I personally would rather be an archiologist or an artist.


                                                                     (TERRIFYING DRAWING OF A FACE HERE)<--You  
                                                                                                            wouldn't believe how bad that is!

I can draw cartoons a lot better than that with cartoons!
                                 Millie

"To expirience life is a greater wonder then most things!"
                                    Millie Komski (I think)

"Morning, day, night go buy so quickly, so make sure they last because every one is priceless!"
                                    Millie Komski

Ahh...just when you think you're maturing a little, an entry like this comes along.  To give my younger self a little bit of credit, at least I moved on from writing about a ridiculous crush in every other sentence.  But I feel bad for my sister for pulling her into all the rambling crap I talk about in this long entry.  To experience life is a greater wonder then most things!  REALLY???  Than MOST things?  I guess there was one part of this entry that I really loved... when I wrote that I would rather be an author.  I don't remember wanting to be an author at that age!  I remember writing stories, but as an adult, I thought I remembered that always being just for fun, not because I wanted to grow up to be an author someday.  So that makes me, as an adult, feel a little less silly about having spent HOURS and hours and hours pursuing this dream.  I can say now...it's something I've always wanted to do.

Once again, to my dear sister, I truly hope you don't read this blog post.  And if you do...I hope you don't sue me for posting all of this....because of all the people I've written about so far, my family is a group that won't really have the chance to stay anonymous if someone is willing to make an effort on finding their identities.

8/9/96 and Jewelry



8/9/96

Diary, This is what happened today.  I didn't get to run cause it rained!  I still haven't gotten a letter from Kathy!!!  **************  I learned a new card trick, but it screwed up until I did it my way.  And I got all this feelings that my family loves my sister more than me!  I still think its true.

 

Diary do you think I'm dumb to have those feelings?

 

       Gotta go, sorry I didn't write a lot.

 

                                      Millie

 

I'm pretty surprised at how censored I made myself back then when I was feeling emotional.  I had absolutely no problem writing about my ridiculous fantasized crushes, but when it came to being upset that my friends were making fun of me or my family made me feel sad, I just glossed over the info.  And I don't remember being the type to bottle up my feelings like that as a kid.  I'm certainly not that type today...if I'm upset about something, I cry.  I cry a lot.  I'm surprised I was so interested in sounding like someone I wasn't.  What a weird form of therapy this is becoming for me.  It's really making me reevaluate why I am who I am today.


As far as jewelry goes, I listed a new item last week that I was really excited about.  I was excited because it was a mostly original idea (I'll explain more later) and the 'sample' one I made was a gift for a friend who recently got married.  It was sent the Monday before her wedding but unfortunately, it didn't make it to her in time for the ceremony.  I was so sad my gift turned out to be so useless...

The reason I say it was mostly original was because I wanted to make the charm itself...had the design already ready with the date and the Swarovski crystal all added in my mind's eye...but I didn't know what to do with the charm.  So I looked around online and saw suggestions of adding it with a bow to the bouquet for the wedding day, so it's not flashy or obvious, but it's still 'with' the bride.  Then, when she transfers it to a chain after the wedding day, she can always have a reminder of such a great moment in her life.

So, I'm sorry, good friend of mine in PA...I should have used a faster shipping method. 
:'(

She has it now, and says she loves it.  She's one of the people who helped inspire a few different popular items I sell in my shop...like the fingerprint heart charm...the one photographed was the one I made from the prints of her and her boyfriend (now husband :)

I'm glad it did end up getting to her.  And she saw a photo of this charm on her wedding day (through a text I sent), so in her mind, she can remember it from that day, I guess?

Editing a Manuscript, Saturday, and Journal from 8/7/96 and 8/8/96

I'm having a great day.  This morning I got semi-caught up on my jewelry making tasks for the weekend and afterward I folded 3 loads of laundry and started a new one. I even went for a run with the dog right after I woke up...the run was more of a walk because I feel like I've got lead legs lately when I try to jog, but it was still worth the effort.  After the laundry and jewelry, I still had some time while the hubby was out with our daughter running errands, so I used 15 minutes to voice record another chapter of my book.  Doing the voice recording has really made me think about how well or poorly the story I've tried to create flows.  And when I have a bad chapter, I get red in the face while I'm reading out loud...but when I have a good chapter, I get a surge of confidence that lingers for hours.  It's still lingering now and I feel really confident that my writing (up until chapter 4 at least) is sounding the way I want it to sound.  It is getting me more excited to do the second round of editing.

I can't wait until Scrivener releases their iPad app.  I know I still have a while to wait, but it's nice to know it's coming.  Hm...maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to say that it's good to know I have it to look forward to...because I've lately been using that as a crutch and excusing myself from editing because I know it'll be easier when that app exists (my whole book is written in Scrivener, so to be able to read chapters and edit right on the page with my iPad sounds so convenient).  But getting this resurgence of desire to see this thing through and get an agent and (oh god, it's like my go-to fantasy daydream) sign a book deal needs to start somewhere.  And polishing this book to the point where I feel confident on every chapter instead of just every other one is what I need to focus on now.

So the editing must continue.  I'm still following through with my daily writing regimen, but I haven't actually gotten back into editing the manuscript.  I've decided though, that I'm going to pick up where I left off...the edits I've made so far are still marked in red all over the pdf of the whole book I've been reading through Goodreader on my iPad and, for the most part, they're legible, so I just need to continue making those edits.  Typing them out on the actual computer is the scary part.

Back to the journal...

Diary, I don't think David likes me anymore.  I went ******** and he only talked to me once!  Than he asked my ************** to watch a movie!  Didn't even ask me to go to so I had to sit ****************** :'(
                                         Millie

PS The worst part is, I think ************(someone I didn't like had a crush on me)**************

8/7/96
Diary, last night I was watching "Little Rascles" and the one kid said all these names of people that make a team. ***************** I know it was just a coinsodence, but it could come true!

Also, yesterday night I was helping my sister clean her room and she gave me something called a "monkey's fist" and a pez dispencer, a lot of clothes, and a really neat pen! llllllllll <--it ran out!
Oh well!

                                          Millie

PS This morning me and my brother and sister went for a run.  My brother beet me and I beet my sister.

8/8/96
Diary, I think he likes me again!  Yesterday when **************************** but he asked me instead (which he never does)

I ran again today!  and I kind of ran with my sister so no one really won.

***************
                                         Millie

Diary, I haven't been hearing the footsteps outside anymore.  Maybe the ghost decided to go haunt someone else for a change.  I really wish I could tell you something more exciting But there's nothing else to write about but boys!  I know that's the most boring thing I could write about but oh well!  I guess I just have as normal of a life as it can get!

I wish I can write to Kathy but its her turn to write to me!  I guess she just got bored writing to me!  Diary, should I write to her and remind her to write to me?  I'll give her 2 more weeks then I'll write to her!

      I have to go feed my chameleon
                  Millie

Sorry about all the blued out words.  I really censored these ones a lot.  They're just as embarrassing as before.  I am getting numb to it.  I just don't want any identifying information showing up...you know, in case I become a famous author some day and people actually read this blog.  I guess by then an editor or agent will probably force me to take this blog down.  Ahhh, there I go, daydreaming again.

Anyways...we're all just trying to avoid the crazy heat here in Arizona.  It's expected, but this is my first summer in the desert, so I feel like I'm allowed to complain for a while.  Plus, I'm pregnant, so that gives me double reason to complain.

Off to writing the paragraphs for my Synopsis in Six Sentences :)

Oh my goodness...

It's 3:33 and 3 is my favorite number, so let me just take a second to make a few wishes.

Okay...so nothing too interesting going on the past couple of days.  Yesterday, I took the toddler to the gym so I could do some Yoga and, with 15 minutes left in class, the fire alarm started going off.  Now this is the Palm Valley Lifetime Fitness gym so at 6:45 on a Tuesday night, the place is PACKED.  Even the daycare was overwhelmed with kids, so I asked them to give my daughter a green sticker to sort of keep her in a more supervised area (she's almost 3 and with the high energy and brave attitude, I didn't want her going off and getting herself into trouble).  So, this was basically my first moment of true fear as a parent.  I'm upstairs in this back room doing a nice quiet yoga session with about a dozen other people when suddenly I'm being taken down a set of stairs in a back maintenance area wondering which side of the building I am on and how I'm going to get back in to find my daughter among the crowd of other children.  Eventually, I find the outside play area and run to the door that leads into the gym right outside the doors to the daycare area.  Lines of children are funneling out, hand-in-hand.  About 30 leave the daycare when I finally see mine, first in the line of a dozen other kids, holding hands..she looks like such a brave little leader and I'm filled with relief and pride.  I make sure with the daycare supervisors that it's okay for us to leave...because I'm thinking, if that were my job, I'd be terrified.  How on Earth are they going to keep track of all these kids?  How easy could it be for some asshole creeper to just take a random kid, pretend they're the parent, and lead them to their car?  Hopefully all went well with that fiasco...I have no clue...but I'm very thankful to have found my daughter and gotten her home safely.

So, that's two weeks in a row of only 45 minutes worth of the yoga class.  It's Yin/Restorative, so I love it because it's relaxing and feels like an amazing stretch/massage for the body.  Last week, I thought it started at 6:30 so I got there 15 minutes after its real start time, thinking I was going to be early.  There better not be a fire alarm tomorrow night...I have a pedicure in the gym's spa at 6 o'clock.

I'm just stalling....this journal entry is the MOST EMBARRASSING one to date.  I know it's going to just get more and more difficult to include full journal entries, but this one is rough.  (I'm really enjoying this project though...I hope people out there reading this don't think I'm a complete crazy person for doing this...I know there's about ten of you visiting this page on an almost daily basis...so to those 10 of you, please don't judge me too harshly).

8/6/96

Sorry I didn't write more yesterday.  I was kinda busy, first Rose came over and we went to the Slocum Deli.  I got flying saucers!  Oh yah and green things.  I love (arrow to flying saucers)!  The are my all time favorite candy!!!  I also did something else yesterday.  I went ***** I saw David a little but that was enough to dream about him! ******** He's nice but he's also spoiled rude and vain!  That's enough to turn me away (referring to a friend of David's)

Diary, I heard the footsteps last night!!! I didn't look out my window, I was about to but they disappeared!!! It was around 10:30 11:00!! I'm going to definatly listen tonight

Diary I wish I had P.K. abilities but unfortunately I don't.  Diary, you might find this rediculous but I tried to transport myself to David's room last night!  Of course it didn't work, but I'm glad it didn't.  How would I get out!

Diary I just had the wierdest imagination!  I just imagined ****************************************************** ****************************************************** ******************************************************
And that's all! (thank god) Diary do you think I'm obsessed?

                        Millie

Oh holy jesus.

So just suffice it to say that those stars were the most embarrassing of this entry.  I was 13 years old.  You may think this type of random crazy talk is forgivable at that age but I definitely do not agree.  I was THIRTEEN.  In some cultures, I'd be having kids and being completely mature at that age.  And yes, I'm thankful that I had the privilege and the fortune to have the ability to be a kid at that age...but I would have been more proud of myself if I had used my life for more good.  Tried to learn a good skill (like piano, or put my efforts toward something like science)...but no...I was ridiculously immature and being ridiculous with my time.

Ughhh....okay.....nothing good is coming of me bashing my former self.  This was almost 20 years ago (man, that makes me feel old).

Anyway...I also wanted to add that I still love eating flying saucers.  They're these wafers that are spherical and have a hollow inside with tiny hard candies inside.  Yum!

Day 5, (still 8/4/96)

The post I put up earlier today was actually one I wrote (for the most part) yesterday.  So here's another for today, which is fitting, because it's sort of a part 2 of the 8/4/96 entry...

8/4/96
Diary, you wouldn't believe what I just did!  first I snuck my dads shaving cream into my room and shaved my legs!  Then, I smeared noxima all over my face! last I brushed my teeth!  Diary, do you think I'm becoming vein?  I hope I don't turn out like David.  He's the most conceited guy I know, he even admits to it!  Diary, I didn't get to sleep yet, but when I do I'm going to stay up for half the night and try to hear the footsteps outside 
someones coming!

I'm back, it was my brother!  I told him I was writing a story!  I hope he believed me!  If he didn't then I can be sure he will look for you! I won't let him find you.  I'll hide you in a great hiding place!  Some-where noone would look!
I'll hide you now!

You were hidden for about 2 hours and I don't think anyone found you.
  To keep you real safe I'm going to lock my door all the time.

Now since I no your safe I'll tell you my darkest secret. (This is where I go and say I have a huge crush on David, but I'm blocking it out because I'm so embarrassed by the fact that I...in the same journal entry... criticized then confessed affection for the same person.)  I have know idea why I like him.  Yes I do, we are very alike in odd ways, he likes to draw, use crafts, school, he has alergies the same time I do, when he gets the hicups they come on, and off just the why mine do!

I hope he likes me!  I kinda think he likes me at least as a friend.  He flirts with me (which just means he's my friend and............................................blocked a lot of this out because I didn't want any identifying information...plus this entire entry is the most embarrassing thing ever..................................
So you and David had fun yesterday with those clay thigs' he said with a slight smirk on his face.

...................................................
have to go freshin up.

Diary, do you think I'm taking this crush too far? 
                                                                   Millie :)

PS
I'm going to hide you somewhere different each time I write in you.

Oh god....that one was rough for so many reasons.  Where the hell did my ability to spell go?  I know it was rough in the past few posts, but it's like I shut my eyes and made it up as I went.  And seriously?  Could this entry get any worse?

That's enough.  I'm so glad I had such thoughtful insights on this morning's post, and now I'm inwardly blushing and wondering what I did with my shame that I'm putting this out there for the world to see.  I don't even know how I really feel about this project...too early to tell I guess.

Day 4 (8/4/96)



I wish I had more time in a day.  I know it's been said before. I'm sure I've said it before here on this blog.  Time for things like finding other blogs similar to mine, following them, commenting on them, trying to attract more people back here.  Time for making new styles of jewelry.  Time to use the sculpey clay in my silver charms.  Time to edit my book.  Time to spend with my daughter (my favorite person in the whole world).  Time to do the dishes.  Time to go find maternity pants (since I can't find the ones I had from my first pregnancy).  Just more time.  The things I make time for are ones like: spend time with daughter, walk dog on occassional basis (I live in Arizona...it's freakin hot here right now), getting maternity pants (this one really is a necessity), showering, exercising occassionally, writing here, reading for fun.  Things like dishes and editing my book and making new styles of jewelry are the ones that go on the backburner for a day off that will never come (and when it does, I won't have any energy or desire left for those types of things.  Well, maybe the dishes will become a priority eventually). 

 

That's the only rant I have for now...

 

8/4/96

 

 I finally cleaned my room.  Now I promise to keep it clean!  It will probably be clean for a whole 2 weeks!  Me & Kathy (my cousin) vowed to write back and fourth to each other.  Now I'm waiting for Kathy's letter.  Pretty soon I'm going to vacume my room!

 

I started to read more often and now I'm going to build up my confidence and study every night when school starts!

 

On the 22nd I'm going to Hershey Park, diary did I already tell you that?  I just looked back on what I wrote and I did tell you!  Oops! Oh well!

 

Me and Rose have been playing Barbie's! Can you beleive that, I'm 13 years old and playing kid games!

 

The weird part is I enjoyed it!

 

I wish I had something exciting to write about like boys or hiding away somewhere, but boys don't like me (only as friends) and there's no need to hide!

 

I can't wait till me and my dad finish my tree house!  Then I can write in there!

 

I just got my cat off my chameleon's cage!  She always jumps up there and scares the chameleon!  Wanna here something grouse <--how do you spell that?, my chameleon eat like bugs!  And sometimes they crunsh when he eats them!

 

At night the past few weeks I hear all these strange noises!  A long time ago I leaned over on my bed and hit my head on my lamp when I woke up (write after that) I heard a loud gunshot!  The wierdest 2 things are that my lamp was set up on a shelf and would've needed some strong force to knock it over!  The other thing that was weird was that the gun went off at 2:34AM! Who would shoot a gun so late?  Also lateley I've heard footsteps outside!  It might just be because my sister told me she heard them too, but I did hear something and I'm not brave enough to look out the window!

  I'll listen tonight and tell you what I heard tomorrow!

 

                                                                          Millie

                                                                              Komski

 

 

 

Okay, bear with me, but I have a few things I want to say about this one. 

First, a big part of who I am comes in waves like that first paragraph.  I go through phases where I want to make a new me and I just feel differently about the world.  In a very positive way.  I still have moments like this.  Like batches of time where I feel like I'm clear-sighted and ready to do whatever it takes to get me to be who I want to be.  My writing comes from that type of feeling because even when I'm not actively pursuing that goal, I still want it with everything that I am.  In lesser degrees, that feeling trickles to things like making jewelry and keeping my house clean and organized. 

Second, the part where I say I wish I had something exciting to write about is actually something I've thought of a lot since.  When I went to Spain for a semester in 2004 I made friends with a bunch of really amazing girls.  We traveled to Paris one weekend and for some reason I said something about the fact that my journals aren't exciting or worth reading like the Diary of Anne Frank (I can't remember exactly what I said, but it must have been pretty awful).  One of my friends quickly scolded me and put what I had said into perspective. 

I'm currently listening to the audiobook The Storyteller by Jodi Picoult and remembering that conversation with my friend in Paris on an almost daily basis.  The things humans are capable of doing to each other breaks my heart.  That's such an understatement, I can't even find the words to express how I feel about the Holocaust and genocide in general.  So, I'm embarrassed by what I wrote here in this journal, and I'm embarrassed by what I said that day.  I can never fully comprehend how lucky I am that I don't have to fear for my life, ever, and that my child is safe and warm and happy.  I'm pregnant, and I don't have to worry about the life of my unborn child.  It makes me sick thinking about the worry so many thousands of mothers are going through right now.  It makes me sick.

To end on a lighter note...I did end up getting that treehouse finished, the floor at least, and I was able to go up there to write in my journal.  Maybe that's something I'll have in a future entry?

For now, it's kind of messing with me, doing this almost-daily walk down memory lane.  I catch my thoughts trailing off to old memories when I'm driving or doing the dishes...it's unsettling sometimes. 

Day 2 of Journal Posting (date unknown)

I'm gonna preface this one by saying my brother and I fought...a lot...when we were kids.  That was just the type of sibling relationship we had.  We're fine now, but being close in age while going through grade school and high school did not help our relationship.  That being said, I took out a lot of this next entry because it falls into the category of things I didn't filter when I wrote in my journal.

Dear Journal,
   ******************************** stop their random fighting, it's starting to annoy me every time I come home from school ***********************.

************************************

My friends are all still bothering me.  The other day Jessica (the one I dislike the most) told Jeanette and Sarah to wear skirts and not tell me.  I was so furious!  In fact I'm still mad!  What should I do?
   Maybe just make new friends.

                               Millie

So back in my school days us girls coordinated when we'd dress up on a day for school.  I think it had something to do with dependence and being too shy to wear a skirt or dress up without knowing your friends will do the same.  I was pretty obsessed at that time about what other people thought of me or how they perceived me.  Unfortunately, I think that's pretty common for kids that age and it's one of the main reasons why bullying is so rough on them.  I wish we could just teach our kids to truly be independent and not care what others think.  What is it about human nature that makes that so difficult?  Even today I have trouble not caring what people think of me and I'm 30 years old with a child of my own.

Reading 3-Year-Old Blog Posts - First Journal Entry (From 2-17-96)

This is a good way to get yourself in trouble, or make yourself smile.  It's like reading an old journal..which is something that, more often than not, makes me smile.  Apparently though, reading old blog posts is more apt to get me in trouble.  I found the post I wrote back in 2011 about writing my journals and I realized I very quickly abandoned that writing project.  I have over 14 finished journals I have written throughout the years. If you know me, you know I'm not one to feel at all shy about my personal life.  I write mostly everything on Facebook and post pictures constantly.  Sometimes I use this blog as a sort of journal and don't always filter what I should and shouldn't be writing about.  Where I'm going with this is sort of embarrassing.  I checked, and I still have the images of my entire first journal saved in my Dropbox account (I wrote the journal in 1996 and it's one I didn't completely finish).  I'm considering putting the journal in this blog.

Actually...all my journals.  The thing I'm worried about is the fact that I wrote about people I knew and still know...I didn't hide who they were, I didn't sugar coat my feelings toward them, and I certainly didn't filter what about them made me angry or (even more embarrassingly) the opposite (like when I had a crush on someone).  So if I do proceed and type up my journals to this blog, I'm going to have to censor a lot of stuff so I don't get myself in trouble.  I think if I'd be embarrassed by what I wrote, the person I was writing about would also be embarrassed.  There are pretty good chances I'll have to omit whole journal entries for this reason.  In my defense, when you're a regular person growing up and you happen to enjoy writing about your experiences, it's hard not to write about the people in your life.

So here goes:

2/17/96

Dear Journal
   Hi!  I guess I should tell you about me.  I am Millie Komski and I am kind of short for my age (5 ft).  I am 12 but in 2 weeks and one day I will be 13.  I have brown hair (a little longer than shoulder length).  I also have brown eyes.
  Now to get to what I'm supposed to do in a journal, write about my day and write about what I have learned today.  Well lets get to it.  Today I got home from Sarah's house, actually I slept over her house And 2 people other than me were there, Jessica and Jeanette.  When I was there Jessica and Sarah and Jeanette made fun of me.  At first I could take it but after a while I just started gettin sick of it.  I didn't think Sarah would because I actually thought she would never do that cause she always tells me how she don't like gettin made fun of just as well as me.  Well that's all that happened and I guess you ust can't change every person because if I made all my friends stop makin fun of people than there wouldn't be nothin left now would there be!

from Millie
:)
Smile or try

Holy shit.  That was a rough first one.  I was always kind of picked on when I was a kid.  Kids are mean, especially to a girl with frizzy hair, braces, and a nerdy attitude.  I changed the names in here but I kind of wanted to just admit who it was.  Mean girls should know how they affect people.

So I don't plan on putting an entry a day in here (maybe....but I doubt I'll be able to keep up...aside from the emotional tole it'll take, I just won't have time).  At least it'll be a place for my journals to go digital.  One of my greatest fears is a fire or other disaster destroying them all.